rolandpd

Merry fricking Christmas

Mon, 22 Dec 2008 04:41:20 GMT

It’s time, my friends. Time for me to start tossing my hat into that ring and get cruising with some preachin feelin. Yes, you might think that this is offensive, and even turn away right now because religious talk is for the fundamentalists that all say the same thing. Maybe you think that there isn’t a god, or you aren’t a christian. What ever reason you find to disagree with me on, I would like to talk. I’ll keep my mind open if you’ll do the same. If you can’t open your minds to new ideas, why read more? You’ll only get upset.

So what do you think could have possibly pushed me to have this epiphany of religiosity?( yes that is a word, spell check says so) I encountered someone that felt inclined to tell me that Jesus loves me. And then had to say, that because I had a daughter with a woman that I wasn’t married to, I was going to hell. Black and white drives me to this. Look at the fundy Christians for a moment, the ones that make the loudest noise seem to have the less grey. Look at Pat Robertson. It’s all black and white, and it’s all judgmental. He’s right and if you don’t think so, you’re wrong. It's the same for all of the like. The Taliban is just as bad as Pat robertson. Israel and the palestinians are in the same boat. They are right everyone else is wrong. Here’s something for Pat and for the Taliban and all of the conservatives that think that they have ‘found’ their and tell the rest that they are horribly wrong… It’s the same fricking God. Get over it.

How can we tell anyone that they are wrong? In the gospel of Matthew, chapter 7, the very first verse states “ Judge Not, Lest You Be Judged.” There has been a lot of that going on with religious judgments against homosexuals. They all quote Leviticus some where in there arguments. In fact, it’s Leviticus 20:13 “ If a man lies with a male as with a woman, both of them have committed an abomination; they shall be put to death; their blood is upon them.” Read the previous chapter, Leviticus 19:19 “You shall keep my statutes. You shall not let your cattle breed with a different kind; you shall not sow your field with two kinds of seed; nor shall there come upon you a garment of cloth made of two kinds of stuff. SO if you have a polyester blend in that wardrobe, you’re guilty. Punishment? Stoning. All of it was stone-able. It’s one of the most important things Jesus said, isn’t it? “Judge not, that you be not Judged.”

I was raised an Episcopalian, which is a member of the Anglican communion, a group of churches that answer to the Archbishop of Canterbury My father is a deacon,my grandfather is a priest. That means I was there, at church sometimes three, maybe four days a week. Growing up around my father’s discernment and ordination, I heard arguments of liturgy, philosophy and theology. Books by Dr. Borg, and former bishops, and about religions and their histories have been all over my house since I was a kid. The lower shelf of my dad’s bookcase was nothing but a set of books devoted to a theological study of each book of the bible. These things led me to the fundamental theology of the episcopal church, Faith and Reason work together. Faith gives me hope for an answer that reason will give, God willing…

So, that in hand, What would Jesus do? This man never turned down a party, and hell, once, when a party was running low on the booze, he went and turned water into wine. I always tell people that he was the first hippie… Jesus never forgot to pray, pay his taxes, or celebrate the the proper manner. He believed the most important law was to love god with all your thoughts, all your soul and with all your power. He asked us to seek him and his father in all that we encounter, and to strive for justice in all things.

See, things changed. They’ve been changing all around for centuries. It’s what created more than a few reversals in the bible. In the days of Deuteronomy, divorce was as easy as saying, “ I feel like a blonde” writing a script of divorce, and sending her out into the world. Something not talked about is that she could care for herself easily, or she could get another husband, all that. In the days of Jesus. Divorce turned a woman into an untouchable. Her family didn’t want her back, and society cast her away. She was left with nothing and could aspire to nothing, pretty much, there was only shame. Not suprising that in the old old days divorce wasn’t bad, but yet, in Christ’s time he was against it. Makes you wonder, today, with women really being Man’s equal, how he would feel about it now.

As a society, we’ve turned away from the community, only seeing ourselves. It has led to self destruction, misery, greed, self-gratification, and selfishness. These have led to the society as it is today. The greedy proposition the powerful to increase their greed by offering more power. Deregulation happens to make that greed obtain what it wants more to obtain more, to proposition more. Then the mess we are in happens and everyone is wondering what happened and how it happened, everyone wants it to be someone else’s fault, but no one wants to look at what situation made it this way. Give me give me. You cant’ always get what you want, but if you try sometime, you just might find, you get what you need. Mick Jagger, Smart man….

Our over-pronounced sense of entitlement is strangling us. We have to learn what our grandparents knew how to do and live within our means, not our credit. Make sure the bills are covered, and that you aregeting hwat you need not what you want. Yes, the Escalade is a sign of awesomeness, but the Hyundai has better mileage, and it sure as hell fits that budget far better. So waht if your kids want the newest game console. You’re the adult. If they hate you, chances are you are doing something right.if you want it… if you can afford it, give it to them for christmas, as a family present. Try to make a family a family again.

We must find it in our hearts to forgive again. Tolerance and communication are the best weapons against the enemies we face. As a country, we need to hold ourselves to a higher level of morals, if we are to look to the rest of the world to support us in endeavors we believe are for the betterment of Humanity. More over, we move away from coal and Oil. Two industries that have made a mess of things. Coal claims to have clean technology to trap and store their carbon. Trouble is, they don’t have a working plant proving it. Oil is a leading factor in modern political foreign policy. Nothing is more evident of that than us attacking Iraq with North Korea and Pakistan rolling Nuclear weapons down their capitol’s streets…

Listen, I want your feedback, let’s make some noise here. Let me know what you are thinking. What is most important? The failing Economy? The spirituality of the county? What? It’s time we start talking more, and stop thinking. Making noise is what make this country a reality. Talking and acting. Get Busy. Dig in dirt, seek the truth in all things, and I’ll be talking to you soon.

Peace,
Rev. Godless

Who Knows?

Fri, 29 Aug 2008 06:47:50 GMT

not me. so there.

Thomas ( a prelude? )

Fri, 29 Aug 2008 06:38:09 GMT

*** It was the smell that awoke her... the putrid odor of stagnant refuse created by the human sprawl. her head pounding she tried to look around, but only saw darkness as her stomach tried in vain to heave the inexistent substances from her stomach on this, her second wakefulness here in hell.

*** "Tommy! Tommy, come here please!" the lovely lilting tones of Mother always made Thomas smile with delight back then before He entered their life. School was easy, and life was good. Daddy was never there, he left before Mother had Thomas, but that didn't bother him, he was turning six years old today, and they were off to see a movie to celebrate.

*** She looked around in the darkness, unable to see anything until the glowing embers came from around the invisible corner and the gurgling giggle came to her ears, making the cold tendrils of horror return. " P-please let me go!!" her hoarse voice groaned it's pleas again... exhausted from the screams and the cries over the passed day. For the first time the gentle eerily comforting and sympathetic baritone reached out to her. "But my dear, sweet child.. Why would you want me to? Don't you want to be Beautiful?" ***

*** "Mother?" Thomas looked up at her with a smile, "Can we get pizza after the movie?" She smiled, knelt and kissed his cheek." that depends, handsome, are you going to have room after the large popcorn we're getting?" Thomas nodded furiously, "Mommy, it's pizza, and I can always eat pizza, and you know it!" Thomas pulled on his mother's arm to make his point all the more vivid. "That's quite a young man you ahve there, Gloria!" the smooth voice made Thomas slump, it was Him again. He sounded nice, but Thomas knew better... Something was evil about Him. But mother couldn't see it, only Thomas could.

*** She was shaking as the Ember approached her. "Wh-who are you?" The ember glowed brighter for a moment and with a deep sharp intake of air the voice continued, the acrid smell of a stale cigar fell into her nose as his delicious voice entered her ear. "I am someone that sees you for what you really are..." She sobbed in confusion, he continued unabated, "What's the matter, my dear, don't understand yet? Can't you see? Can't you comprehend? It's always for you... It was always for you."

*** Thomas didn't know why mother let Him come along. He didn't belong. His eyes always drug after Mother more than others did. Mother was beautiful though, why did this man scare Thomas so? It was Him who took them to get pizza. Mother and Him talked as Thomas played with the children in the jungle gym and slid with the other kids and climbed... But Thomas only half played... He watched as He inched closer and closer to Mother.

*** The voice came as the ember came closer. "Mother was Beautiful. Did you know that? Mother... "The voice gave way into a sigh, then continued." she was the most beautiful woman in my life. . . She was innocent, pure even. So when I sat next to you, miss, and said hello? It was because I saw a little bit of my mother in you..." His voice slowly became a growl. " But you aren't innocent are you? No.. Not you... Not You, Princess of the Sewers, Not You At All, are you?! What was it? Was it these scars?! Was it the smell of my Lovely home?!??"

*** He came home with them. "For coffee" Mother said as they walked up the steps. "Nothing more." He promised... He promised, didn't he, and promises are to be kept. Mother said so... Mother was so beautiful though, wasn't she? He couldn't help himself... but mother was pure, innocent. Mother was Pure... Why did he do that to Mother? Why did he have to hit so hard when she fought back? Why did she stop moving and why did he stop? Why was it important for Thomas to watch? Mother wasn't moving any more... Mother wasn't moving ever again.... Mother was so innocent...

*** At the sounds of her whimpering, Thomas snaked his filthy talonned hand across her cheek, "Be Quiet, you Whore of Babylon! You think you are so Beautiful? MOTHER WAS BEAUTIFUL!!!" he paced looking at this whisp of a woman... Yes she was pretty, even in the sewers he was forced to call his home... but she was vain, and prideful, thinking herself oh so much better... strapped to that gurney against the pole... Yes who's better now? " Who is Beautiful?! NOW!!!!"
Vainly trying to appease this person, she whimpered out her pathetic answer, "M-m-mother is?" Over come he back handed her and the vile blood of his sire which coursed through his veins put it's vigor into the strike and the head turned too sharp to the left with a resounding snap and she was silent... Thomas fell to his knees sobbing. "Mother? Mother are you there, mommy?"

"Mother? Mother are you there? M-mommy?"

The issues I nevr wanted to subscribe to......

Wed, 28 Nov 2007 22:55:36 GMT

Alright, I'm writing this, and prolly not at the best time, as I am not in what anyone would call a good mood. Fuck it, I'm sick, but thought I would anyway. it's on my mind. There are issues that really make things a bit more of a hassle than they should be.

I open my mail and here's what I see, these are the subjects of my e-mails... that I delete within ten seconds of reading.... Hope you enjoy...
Here's my new e-mail, Why did you e-mail me?, Mail delivery failed, The information you requested, I LOVED the mints!, Your Order, We'd like to come visit soon, Confirmed., Confirmation Number, Your Exact Words, I couldn't read your mail, Your New Account, Something fishy, I'm at Kinko's!, Shutup you did not do that..., Official Privacy Policy, Approved, Cousin sure has changed?, Third attempt!, Smile, Re: Your Prescription Discount Order, I love your profile, Your web page is GREAT!, Your website, Action Alert, Reply, What time was that?, This is yours, Is this yours?, I fired your boss!, Cash Notice, Projects to Channel thru Marketing, I'm Sorry, I want your opinion, Your Secret Admirer, Important, Research Alert, How are you doing?, I'm so mad at you, revised schedule, At last I found your e-mail address!, I'M REPORTING YOU!, Where have you been?, I meant to tell you this the other day, So it was all Ur idea? Wow, that's great!, All good things must come to an end, You've received a new payment, You're in big trouble!, May I Quote You?, Do you have any comment on this?, Look what they're saying about you!, Cannot find your listing, RE: Your Order, Overdue Notice, Hey, It's Mom!, Disk Error, You Have Won!, Your New Screen Name, What time was that?, What are you doing???, Your Approval, Why did you ignore me?, Re: Latest Hack, Pre-registration Instructions, Is Someone Using Your Identity?

sadly that's only a corner of them all.. wha the fuck is wrong with this? I don't get this much shit from creditors on the phone! goddammit!

I'm religious... and I am also episcopalian. Someone that I am very close to and getting closer with is Suzy. She's a catholic I mentioned this and somethings I saw would be funny I got this comment....

This Comment Appeared on a Private Forum.

...although I realized that I was an atheist upon reaching the age of reason. My mother-in-law was raised very heavily catholic, to the point that her brother even became a priest. She received a lot of grief from her family for marrying an episcopalian instead of a catholic and her husband's family thought even worse of him for doing the reverse. I can't say that it has been hard for me, since we have always lived far away from all of my in-laws, and see them only for christmas and Independence Day.
Something not already mentioned about the unitarian universalists is that they have a large contingent of former catholics and many who consider themselves catholic, still, but who for whatever reason cannot bring themselves to go to a catholic church. For some it is because of their stand on abortion or birth control. For others there may have been a falling out with the local priesthood, such as suspecting the priest of child molestations. Many become UU as a compromise with their non-catholic spouse.

Both you and your girl could be accepted, there, without having to change your faith or lack thereof, providing that your girl could refrain from telling everyone that they will be burning in hell for all eternity.

I want to find and kill this person....

Not too long ago I saw a mother, although well intentioned, forbid her child to enter the water, even though the E.coli levels were in a descent range. I didn’t think much of it, but just a few days ago, a friend flipped out when a housefly landed on him, stating that it carried with it more than a million bacteria. Rather than trying to explain to a monkey (sorry buddy, but I never really liked you to begin with), how things really work, I decided to dedicate this rant to it.

I used to know a bit about bacteria, as with many useless subjects a writer sometimes finds himself immersed in.

Despite Lysols claim, not all bacteria are toxic, pathogenic and caustic. As with all things, some are good and some are Christians… I mean evil… I mean bad. Now if you throw ca-ca at your friend in a friendly poo-poo fight (don’t ask), that’s bad E.coli.

A fetus is born completely sterile. But immediately acquires all kinds of bacteria, which then live symbiotically with the child until its death. They help it produce vitamins, break down some garbage, and even maintain the atmosphere it needs. Now here comes the biggest misconception. These good bacteria are only found in places in our bodies directly exposed to the environment, like our intestines and respiratory tracts. Ever noticed how animals who are born and raised "germ free", must be kept in a sterile environment, and need lots of vitamin supplements to stay alive. This is because they develop thin intestinal walls, weak hearts and a bad attitude.

Bacteria are old school, being single celled. Were talking billions of years old, sorry creationists, and yes I know this is all the Devil’s trickery. They are responsible for shaping and even maintaining atmospheric oxygen that allows complex life to develop.

Soon, some of them took up residence in other cells, which allowed life to evolve into more complex forms. So they aren’t just part of what you are, but they literally are what you are. You think you own your body, think again. You’re merely renting a small room, and the landlord will evict your sorry ignorant butt if you don’t maintain the place properly.

Ever hear of photosynthesis. Or what about that water bacteria also produces much of the oxygen we breathe. Bacteria are why things decay and finally become nutrients. It promotes faster and healthier growth in a child, who just happen to have more immunity to bad bacteria than all of us to begin with. It even reduces all noxious odors like your most people’s stinky opinions on the matter.

And now onto the famous, dreaded, fundamentalistic (sorry, wrong rant) E.coli.

E. coli within our intestines is necessary for us to develop and operate properly and to remain healthy. It, as well as similar bacteria, makes vitamins so that we can absorb them. And are pretty much responsible for our source of Vitamin K and B-complex.

Take it from a guy who frequently swims at the beach, and isn’t afraid to get his hands dirty. And must admit, enjoy raw meat, being fish or beef, and not that wimpy little sticky rice sushi either. Now get this. I have never been sick! And have never once felt sleepy in the afternoon, except when in school.

Ever notice how unsanitary Chinatown food markets or restaurants can be? Canadians can get poisoned just walking down Somerset, or watching a subtitled movie. So why don’t they get sick from their 2-day exposed chickens? Well it’s because they’re super evolved androids from outer space bent on turning the world into mahjong pieces.

I once saw a 4-year-old Eskimo boy, eat a huge piece of frozen seal during a hunt. Now ask a physician or a nutritionist about that and watch them squirm.

Don’t depend on those in power to dictate what is good or bad. News flash: they’re just as susceptible to wrong opinions as everyone else. Even a physician’s whole basis for being is due to his education, and I think we all know how easily corrupted education can be. Want an example on that, just examine your opinion formulated from what you learned in history class or see in movies. What’s your opinion on the Civil war, Columbus, 911, Pearl harbor, Communism, Thanksgiving, white bread vs. brown bread.

So next time you insist on cooking everything you eat, or carrying around that alcohol that claims to kill 99.9% of all germs and bacteria, consider this.

Still don’t believe me? Try it first, then your opinion will count, and not just something you once read in passing.

With the great advancements in global communications, and the great wealth of knowledge that is the Internet, we can evolve at 100 times the speed, or lose everything because of false opinions and such an easily compromised set of principles. We now hold a greater responsibility than ever before. We are responsible for knowledge itself. Without first developing the skills to fully comprehend and filter this vast expanse of information, the Internet may be the downfall of us yet.

alright... my peeve are people like this....--------
First, in the mall today, I got a bite to eat and as I was sitting and eating, 2 women with a baby (about 1-1 and 1/2 yrs old) sat down near me. One of them proceeded to give the kid some of the food to eat, but as we know, children that age are MESSY. they had trays for their food and the baby didn’t. so what happens? he puts the food down on the TABLE and then picks it back up to eat and continues to do this OFTEN and these women continue eating and giving him more food. what’s wrong with this picture, you ask? HELLO, the DIRTY NASTY TABLE!!!! this isn’t your house, you didn’t clean that table, don’t know if it WAS cleaned!!!
After that I see a couple with a little infant baby WALKING while the guy is HOLDING the baby!! what’s wrong with this picture, you ask? HELLO, it’s called a stroller!!! you know you’re going to the mall! the reason this bothers me is because the mall ALWAYS has hazards of all types lurking around. the guy holding the baby could slip or trip and fall with the BABY IN HIS ARMS, fall on the baby or whatever! THINK PEOPLE THINK!!!

Second, as I was on the way home, I had to deal with one of those “short” green lights I mentioned before. well, it’s bad enough that it’s short much less to have the IDIOT first in line to NOT GO when it turns green and I was too far back to blow the horn at him and guess what? No one else blew at him either, HELLO people, WAKE UP!! so naturally I had to wait for another green light to come and I was 3rd in line this time, unfortunately, and wouldn’t you know it, the light turns green and NOBODY moves!!! the guy in front of me, I can see, is on the phone so he doesn’t blow his horn. so I LAID IN ON IT LONG AND HARD until the a**hole started driving!!
WAKE UP PEOPLE!!----- I think they need valium.... and a reality check...

http://www.theindychannel.com/news/14011324/detail.html so does this whack job.. good kid though

here are books from the heart....

1) You're Different-And That's Bad
2) The Boy Who Died from Eating All His Vegetables
3) Robert: Dad's New Wife
4) Fun Four-Letter Words to Know and Share
5) The Kids' Guide to Hitchhiking
6) Kathy Was So Bad That Her Mom Stopped Loving Her
7) Curious George and the High-Voltage Fence
8) Barney Goes to Hell
9) The Little Sissy That Snitched
10) Why Can't Mr. Fork and Mrs. Electrical Outlet be Friends?
11) That's It, I'm Putting You Up for Adoption.
12) Grandpa Gets a Casket
13) 101 Things You Can Do at the Bottom of the Pool
14) The Magic World Inside the Abandoned Refrigerator
15) Controlling the Playground: Respect Through Fear
16) The Pop-Up Book of Human Anatomy
17) Strangers Have the Best Candy
18) Whining, Kicking and Crying to Get Your Way
19) You Were an Accident
20) Things Rich Kids Have, But You Never Will
21) Daddy Drinks Because You Cry
22) Your Nightmares Are Real
23) Where Would You Like to be Buried?
24) You've Got Herpes, Charlie Brown
25) Valuable Protein and Other Nutritional Benefits of Things
From Your Nose

one issue that I have is with a certain word. nothing serious in that. After all, words are a form of communication that I, being a web geek, use to speak, love, hold, console, entertain, and even meet a variety of people. I've met people that I thought I could love, people that I knew I'd grow to hate, and everything in between and beyond. I've used chats to play my role-playing games on, and made stories come alive as well as a movie for those that wanted me to. Words are the key.

So, of course, to me, each word is meaningful, they speak volumes about the emotions and the meaning of those that send them to me. Spoken, chatted, sung, it doesn't matter the method or medium. singular words are just as important as the paragraphs, and in some instances, they carry far more weight. In a paragraph, it is easy to say to someone "yes" but deliver it in a paragraph and that yes can actually be a no. It goes both ways. Cut out the rest and that Yes is simply "yes" no condition, no extra cognitive additives. A word alone is Pure.

due to the realm that I communicate most frequently, I have become accustomed to taking people for their words. if someone says something it means what they say. to try and say that it doesn't is a fallacy. So where does that leave me but with a clear sense of irritation when things are said that the meaning has been diluted.

there is a person I know who uses a word constantly. To the point to where it really makes me look it up, and see if it truly applies. Sadly, I'm not sure it does. Love.... a feeling of deep affection or a deep romantic or sexual attachment to someone. she should stop using it. it's diluting the word or she's in trouble up to her eyeballs if one of these jokers she uses it on to get her itch scratched.

Another statement used on me alot that has actually upset some people is the coy unanswering " ya know..."
I know? to know is to be aware through observation, inquiry, or information. to leave it linge as people do is frustrationg and it's a filler in a conversation, but if there is nothing surrounding that answer and it is left up to the listener, that's trouble. it only leads to mis understanding. and finally.

"Sorry"
no matter how many times it happens how can you still be sorry for the same shit? to say that word is to say " I am penitent." " Amends are to be made on my part" it is a declaration of an offense on one's own part, a transgression made for which one regrets to have made. "sorry"... If you have offended... If you have transgressed... if you have acknowledged these, and they are many of the same nature, and you refuse to make amends, does that not show disrespect? Does it not become a statement of ridicule, pointing out that yet again you have offended- insulted- the person whom has received your transgression? If you regret something has happened, and are indeed "sorry" would not the offenses be ceased? to be sorry, to have need to issue an apology to feel regret and penitence for one's actions should be enuogh to look at the offense that was carried out and see where the offense was made and make means to end the offense. Even the word offense bring into my topic word new meaning. an offense is a thing that constitutes and violation of that which is right and natural. Do Right, Stay within what is natural, and you aren't having to make amends, you aren't apologizing, you aren't sorry anymore.

However, penance of the none only leads to a word that stands for regret for wrongdoing, offense and transgressions against the addressed becomes nothing more than a cruel reminder that you know you have offended, hurt, and deployed against the addressed the same transgression, yet again with no real remorse, hesitancy, reservations, second thoughts, reluctance, unease, or trepidation.

For those that read this, understand that "sorry has other meanings that are wonderfully different. "I'm Sorry" is what I am attacking. PLease feel no ill will for my words when one can be expressing sympathy for tragedy with the word, or a resounding compassion for the predicaments humanity's vast number find themselves in. Please be sorry, if we pity, we show heart. For that alone, I find great joy in knowing it exists. Compassion is too rarely seen, as natural as it is....

As a society we must mean what we are saying and say what we are meaning, we have the entire english language at our disposal, are you meaning to tell me that with all the words we have, we can't find the words to express everything? It's a living, organic language, that is modified by purpose and accident everyday. it will never be done as long as the world seeks to use it. Explain deeper, dig further with as many or few words s it takes, but don't leave the world hanging on a ledge and say it's hanging. and don't dilute the meaning of a word. or pervert it as well, there are words that mean what it is that you are trying to say, crack a book and find it. there are, in the english language, more words to describe feelings than anything.

Faith and Reason

Fri, 09 Nov 2007 20:32:18 GMT

Faith.... Reason.... A pair of congruent philosophic ideals that contradict each other, play a dangerous game of chicken in our minds, and yet, I believe them to be able to work together to bring each other to ridiculous heights. It's the pinnacle of my religious upbringing. The founders of the my denomination, the Episcopal church, believed in Faith and Reason. Without faith, what is the point of reason? Without Reason, how will your faith substain itself? Frankly, there is a strange twist to this. the people who started this denomination also helped create this country.

In this world right now, the lack of faith is astounding, and a select minority who are vocal about their faith, have lost their reason. They refuse to use any bit of it in fear of having a touch of gray in their black and white lives. There is no metaphor. there is no "story". there's history, ad truth, but that's it. How? So many things so easily explained could tear the fabric of their world apart. al by the use of reason. their faith refuses to include a touch of reason. this is fundamentalism. Seems strange. Doesn't it? the razor's sharpness of their faith? using quotes from the bible to explain their hateful actions refuse to remember the Christ's purpose.

For the other side of the coin. The reasonable bear witness to only what they can see. Even that which has no sight to be seen must be explained without the presence of faith. their faith is in their reason, no matter what. This leads to a war of sorts that I cannot hope to explain. In the same way the fundamentalists throw out the thought of evolution, so too do the reasonists( as I shall be calling them from now until i die) refuse to ever see a touch of the divine in their plausibles.

Fo rthe Fundamentalists for whom I must speak and to the Reasonists that tread so hard on my Lord and savior, i say this. Without both, you are not only kidding yourself, but you are gravely mistaken. The world is not empty, the Soul is there, all you have to do is believe and open yourself to it and you can see it. Let it not blind you with the splendor one way or the other, but allow both to test and try and build one another into formidable reliance. PErhaps the bible is not verbatum god's word, but His Word manifested into the hearts of the authors that have written them, and the stories are not historical fact, but lessons to be taken into our lives to hear God's true message. maybe, as well, We are able to touch on the divine, not by throwing away our methods and our state of tranquil explanations, but realize that God manifests his wonders by the laws of nature and through the acts of man. He does heal. But it is through the gifts and inspirations of his servants. He does create all things, but through the biological processes of genetics and evolution.

After all is said and done, Faith and reason are subject to be at war, and in a few people, at peace. Readily awaiting the rapture of the time when both sides realize what is true. Each place we look, fiath and reason dwell. In the miracle of life. Faith says God Creates all, and Reason sees a mixture of chemicals binding together to bring form and substance. Place them together and the true miracle is seen.

So, I leave you all with one last resounding observation. If your faith is shaken with the introduction of a little reason, are you really faithful? and if your reason can't bother to offer credit to a being of utmost power over everything... How is it that the greatest men of faith, and of reason, push forward with both hand in hand?

As for myself? I will champion both. It is for this that I have become the Reverend Godless. I will continue to speak on topics that mark me as a heretic to the fundamentalists, and as a fool to the reasonists. May the Lord God forgive me if I am wrong, and may He direct me to the proper head shrink when my delusions ahve taken over my life, this I ask in the ame of the father, adn the son and the holy spirit who reign together, teh atom and genome as their marks of State.

more to come. and please, if you ahve remarks, send them to me rev.godless@mac.com. I'll reflect on any remarks and perhaps give my views to it. if you ahve a passage that you'd like to hear my thoughts on, please let me know, be it from the bible or an article in some sort of magazine. I'd like to extend my view.

Rev. Godless

to hell with Logic, reason and the damned tootsie rolls.....

Tue, 06 Nov 2007 19:15:12 GMT

so here's the skinny, I ahven't been talkng much and in fact most on yo ahven't seen a bulletin, or a single scrap of anything from me. I'm here to tell you why.

I have looked into my own self and found out that i have been staring oblivion in the face for a while. Stranded in teh middle of a mexican stand-off. the abyss has swallowed my life and there is no one to blame othe than myself. I thoguht that I was too good for something, but something is better than nothing and i blew it. i refused to listen to what I needed to accomplish and what was expected of me, thinking I knew better than that. the results, time after time have been disastrous. even the act that it's not been just about me hasn't halted the self-destruction. In act, it sped it up. I wasn't willng to accept anything but what i know to be capable o caring for the needs of that other, and so, starting at the bottom time and time and time agian was not acceptable. I am a fool.

so here I stand head in hand, I've been through the fires o summer, heat so bad that people couldn't believe that i wasn't suffering from heat stroke everyday. to the chilly night where in concern I have been asked if death would be better. I understand that there are things that I would change in a heartbeat, if the chance to do them over could take place. However, this thoguht is a double edged sword.

Would I have learned the lessons or which the maker truly has taught me through kicking my legs out from under me? i cna't say that i would have, it would have simply been yet another game for which i would come out of blaming others for it's failures. I understand that it is not a matter of "who is to plame" and "what reason" or "waht justification" there is to explain the ailures. that's not how the doggy gets the bone. we understand how success is measured and, in teh modesty of the soul, to stand taller, better, and in good spirits, we justify, give reason and lay blame of that success and victory to everyone. failure, i ahve learned is one thing to be selfish with. NOt to the point o martyrdom, that's stupid. but to say to the world, and believe it yourself, that the problems you ave had are your fault and yours only. There might ahve been a little help, but in te end it is your own fault. By seeing that, you can begin to take steps regain your life.

that is where i am. there have been a couple of people that have made this so clear. One is my grandmother, she's always been right and I wish for once tat she was wrong. Being always right is frightening. Although, her being wrong could be a problem, you know?I depend on her advice, even if I haven't sought it out. she had me make two lists. First list, the list that she is more ocused on, bless her aged, pruny, evil granny self( she's not the sweet cokie baker granny), is about the changes to myself. I am not sharing what is on this list, but number one will never be completed. the rest are being picked at, little by little. it's a journey inside, facing what demons I have left. I've never been so glad to have the relationship that I have with God. He's going to help me a lot. In teh end, My grandmother is one perosn that I truly respect, love and hold over the rest. er opinion truly matters, and though unbiased, it is biased as hell.

" you have a lot to fight against, kid" she told me, as she was scolding me for my position and my stubbornness. she proceededto tell me how different the family of my mother is from the family of my father. Both sides are close, in a way. my father's side, the gustafson's are a clan unlike any other, we'll fight, we'll hate eachother adn we'll war against ouselves like we were mortal enemies. ( and that's the day before christmas eve) We exemplify "tough Love". the prissiest of this clan would still take out a linebacker in a dark alley, and if she couldn't, every member of the family would hunt down the unfortunate man and clobber him into the dirt. we might be brutal to ourselves, but that's our right, we're family. Teh gustafsons work hard, wearn the rewards, and when a gsutafson slips, he doesnt expect to be caught. he'll be helped, but not coddled. In this family, " shut up and get over it" is uttered far more than " I love you" but, that's how we say " I love you". We point out eachother's flaws and make fun. but we don't coddle. it's why i am sleeping in the back of a volkswagon. mahga faidh la se my time is coming.... We work hard, adn make somethign of ourselves, it might take most of our lies, but dammit we get there. time or me to start.

What am i fighting against? the other side, the work, but jsut enough to get by. I got a cousin Bucky, he's a salesman in atlanta, he sells professional copiers or some shit, I'm not sure, but he's not successful. he gets what he needs and slacks off, livingin an apartment... yadda. my cousin michael? he lives with my nana with his girlfriend. he's a fucking smart ass guy, computer wiz and shit. should be getting a degree and making somethign of himself. does he? not really, last I heard he was working at a plant nursery. the most upsetting thing is this. I ahve an uncle with a minor learnign disability. he is dyslexic. so he lives with mommy. so she can care for him. alright, granted, this is georgia. Granted, to hear that my cousins ad aunts and uncles won't write back to me because they " an't so good at writin' as y'all're" ( you all are- meaning my sisters and myself, you know? thier fucking kin?) and granted, they never really had any part of my life after my mother died. ( I pretty much say, "fuck im..." ) I'm fighting that. I have been most my life. it's been a fight because I was missing half my family. the questions of " Who am I" and what made me me were hard to come by, that partof my family weren't there to answer my questions. i was over twenty years old when i descovered that I was the spitting image of my uncle david. ( sadly the only picture I ahve is not one that really boosts any feeling I might have towards my own self-image, the guy looks like andre the giant. and andre, thogh massive ( prolly hung like a goddammed whale too the mutant) was not the prettiest man( in fact, a rhino's backside would beat him in a beauty contest). it is that side of the amily I get some of my weight problem from. it is that side that I get some of this body hair. the color of it and shit. but other things came with it. that's what i fight. the complacency

the second list, overseen( not really, but supported by and reminded of) by someone very important to me, is a detailed list of the steps i need to pull myself up by the bootstraps. Yeay! bootstraps! I HATE BOOTS! the suport of my friends and the calm caring of this very special, loving and amazing person has brought me into a place that makes me feel, for the first time in an amazingling long time, at peace. real Peace. there' snothing better than that. the fact that it was found in a wrapper i would never look for it in. ( this s like finding a diamond in the crackerfacks, c'mon now... ) is bewildering. and on osme levels I am still trying to figure out what to do... So until then, I have my lists, I ahve my usual Love of the rollercoaster life puts me on. We'll see where it takes me this time.

Love you all, Hugs, kisses, and I couple of decisive pokes int eh proper direction....

The Reverend Roland Godless AKA
Karl Edmond Gustafson IV ( Gussguss)

The Crystaline Cucoon, Chapter One

Sat, 13 Oct 2007 17:15:11 GMT

Chapter One

Roland sighed as he surveyed the cityscape that laid before him. The Strip stretched into the night. A neon avatarian serpent of greed and broken dreams, cascading it's venomous lure into the very heart of the world. The strange darkness embracing the rest of the City of Sin filled the expanse of the valley. A pit of welfare and emptiness. The truth hidden from the tourists and the earth.

But this was the city he called home, and fled from. The Illusion, the Reality, it's a mage's playground. A hermetic uses his magic on stage and the Illusion becomes reality. The Producer makes a show, and lo, the reality becomes Illusion.

He looked to the sky, and saluted the piercing light shooting up from atop the Modern Pyramid into the outer reaches of space and smiled. "Welcome home, " He murmured to himself. He sat at the edge of the roof he found as his sanctuary, dangling his feet over the sidewalk ten of floors down. He pulled out a cigarette and lit it.

From then till sunrise, Roland watched the city of perpetual twilight continue on. Every pedestrian, tourist and car was watched. And as the sun rose up into the sky, The enigmatic Mage stood, walked to the exit, and joined the Masses, with a smile, and with a hope for redemption, and a hope for the future, unforeseen so far. “ Shame, this never seems to last...”

On the other side of the city, far from the strip, far from the casinos, She awoke, dreading the day, as usual, pulling the comforter around her like a net of security, She already banished Helios from her room with thick, black material duct taped to the dirty windows. The day wouldn't release her back to slumber, however, and so, she, as a newly released animal in the wild, slowly inched away from her nightly domicile. The thought of returning always present, she pulls random cloths up off the floor, draping them over her naked form. a skirt...she hopes, found it's way to her hips, it's wrinkled silk dancing, sending shocks of pleasure through it's embrace. a vest covered her bosom, barely. She lifted her hair out from under the collar, and found the essentials of facing the noonday... Sunglasses and cigarettes, both in their common place next to her bed.

She drifts to the door, slipping her eyes behind the thick darkened lenses, and allowing a single smoke to rest between her lips, igniting from some unseen lighter, and opens the door to the tomb that is her room. As light invades her sight, she cringes softly, but it passes as quickly as it came, and she stands, to the world, hair, red and flowing, barely free, but never contained, it's curls allowing nothing but madness and chaos. and as she walks, it bounces easily behind her head. The walk she paced herself with was quick, now that the day was, unfortunately begun. The call for sustenance beyond nicotine called to her sullenly.She walked through the cluttered hall, and entered the living room, where, of course, most of the furniture and the inhabitants of her domicile laid, sleeping, from last night's spectacle. bottles laid empty, and The feint smell of vomit and urine crept from the bathroom, and the heavy musk of people surrounded the cacophony of arms legs and torsos that she faced.

With a sigh she took a drag from her cigarette, exhaling the fumes from her lungs, adding to the detestable mess, and walked into the kitchen. she pushed a few stale pizza crusts back into their boxes and threw them to the floor. Moans of disapproval rose from the living room, but if she noticed she didn't care. Reaching into the fridge she pulled out the milk, and after smelling it, deemed it safe for consumption. With a reach, a box of Count Chocula was hers. Randy hated her cereals, but that was his problem, he left... A bowl was absent, so to suffice she pulled out the coffee pot from it's resting place, and looking for floating mold, poured it full of her cereal and milk. content and happy, she ashed in the sink and left the poor excuse of a kitchen to plunge into the futile pursuit for the true essence of escape; Her car keys.

She glanced about the knot of former humanity on her floor and couches, desperate for the freedom of the vehicle resting in slumber outside in the parking lot. and there, next to the phone, laid her Grail. Cautiously, she inched forward, performing acts of grace, and fluidity which belayed a sense of grace which screamed tyranny against her desires of slumber. Yet, she arched her back over, leaning with a leg extended in perfect ballerina-esque shame over the mess, the people and the dreaded crashers snatching the keys up as the venus flytrap would it’s meal and fled the disaster, finally content as she threw her bag over her shoulder. The door slammed shut behind her.

“Maybe I’ll go to class today.” another drag off the cigarette, then it was airborne, half smoked, into the trees over the railing as she shuffled quickly, barefoot, down to the earth below.

“ Would you like more Coffee sir?” the waitress hovered over the counter in front of Roland, uncaring and tired, her face a little sunbaked and her form heavy with years of bad, greasy diner food. Roland looked up at her from over his Lennon shades and with a wolfish grin simply winks, “ no ma’am. Think I’m set for now, but please, feel free to check on me in a little bit, I might need to order something to munch on. “ the light, friendly words seems to sour the waitress’ mood further. A slight set off by the fathomless hate born for anyone who could possibly be cheerful at three in the morning. “ Whatever you say pal... “ she shuffled off for the smoking section, long since bare of humanity, pulling out an old, crumpled pack of smokes from her apron, she falls into the booth with a grunt as the cook in the window shakes his head, wiping down the delivery window with a smile.

Roland continues to watch the clock, patient, as if he knows every tick of the second hand was somehow entertaining. A wistful sigh escapes from his chest, and he pulls out a letter from his pocket he looks over the back of it intently, as if there as some unseen writing on it before turning the ink to his face for one more quick read through. before putting it back into the pocket of his white sports coat. He stands and walks for the door, leaving behind a single bill note, far more than the stale coffee was worth, but the smallest bill he had. fuck it, he thought, as the door swung shut behind him, next time I come in, maybe she’ll smile.

“ Nice of you to join us, Miss Conner, I trust you have been keeping up on your studies independently...” the old graybeard looked over thin, but substantial reading glasses as Sophia made her way into the lecture hall. She nodded politely to the professor as se took her seat against the back wall, the classroom still bare, waiting for minds eager to ignore the lessons to be uttered for the day. “ Miss Conner, I find your candor today to be less than approving, what a shocker. You’re potential as a linguist is limitless, I don’t see why you won’t embrace your obvious talents. Could you enlighten me?” the old man stood, his very posture stern, matching the tenor in which he spoke.

Sophia rolled her eyes behind her sunglasses and slumped into the chair, “ I don’t know, could be that I see little reason to keep working on a language that is never going to be any use to me. Sounded cool when I first heard about it, but really? “ She shrugged, her attitude rung from the rafters with contempt. “ Pointless.”

Professor Brinkman nodded and grinned, “ I do see your point, miss Connor, but, I fail to see why you would keep showing up , when dropping this class is just as easy. In any event, sanskrit might prove useful one day. You never know.”

The doors opened and a few more students walked in, taking eats dispersed throughout the room, and Prof. Brinkman returned to the front of the class and started writing out the day’s lecture on the whitewall, diagrams of words and their meanings, their pronunciation in the phonic code used by Linguist and Communications majors. The other students quickly began to copy it all down, Sophia simply yawned and watched the words fall into her mind. “ I should have stayed in bed” She grumbled.

The class wore on and on, a never ending trial of patience and the Starbucks coffee proliferated through the systems of the students. The professor continued. and Sophia simply listened, her eyes half open, slumped into the chair, staring at the ceiling, rolling the words over in her mouth until, finally, the old grey beard said the fateful phrase. “ Alright class, that's all for today..”

Just as quickly as they entered the classroom, the rest of the students left, leaving Sophia alone again with the teacher, who packed his briefcase with his own notes, only casually paying her notice of existence. She watched and looked over the board, going over anything making sure she made it through the entire lecture without drifting to sleep. Then, standing she made her way for the door.

“Good afternoon, Miss O’Conner...Until next time?” She looked briefly before she opened the door, and replied dejectedly, “ Yeah, next time...” She walked out of the room, into the hall, out of the building, past the faceless herd of kids like her, doing what’s expected of them. She felt out of place as she allowed the masses drift by as she held her bag closer for security.

She never noticed until this moment, but they all looked alike. the guys came in three flavors. There were the Gomers, with the greasy black hair, overdone black dress and pathetic attempt to be drearily creepy. it mostly endeared pity... Then the Jocks... Built large, always wearing their team’s colors and always bullying someone, and hitting on some chick. They had short hair, and tried to be impressive, after all, they are the sport teams of tomorrow.. After that there are the geeks. they keep to themselves, usually have a moderate spark of individuality, as long as it was the polar opposite of the latest fashion. They are the ones that would come wearing their little garb for the renn faire, or walk around playing their fantasy games in public. always getting good grades, the laughing stock for the rest of the clowns. She didn’t want to know where she fit into their little cliques. She only wanted to get out, away, back to her home with it’s debauchery and it’s sanity.

That night she lay awake her thoughts plaguing her while she dreamed far deeper than she should. her dreams took her to another time, one of primality. A beat pulled her into the fog of imaginary revels where she danced with the Gods themselves. Odin and Chronos, Athena, Freda, saints and martyrs, they all acted in tune with this beat, their servants casting their inhibitions into the night’s revelry.

She stopped before the Lord of the Gallows as he beckoned her. He turned, beckoning a voluptuous woman to his side. and with his hunting knife he cut away the skirt and blouse. the woman welcomed the act, and Sonya was left in shock, watching the act curiously. Odin slid the knife away and spoke in his tongue, yet it fell into her heart with understanding. “ The Power dwells in us all. Trapped by the imperfect reflection of the flesh...” Sonya nodded, her eyes fixed on the woman, as Odin pulled off a heavy gauntlet, revealing the sharp beastly talons on the ends of his fingers, he drew on across the collar bone, behind it, a razor’s edge line of blood swelled the God drew his nil across the other collar bone with the same effect connecting the wounds above the sternum, above the gentle inward curve of his servant’s milky breasts. “ One must know the language of release, the letters of Power to release it unto the world.” the voice reverberated into the very soul and Sonya grabbed her chest, still surprised, wondering why she couldn’t wake up form this strange vision.

“What are the letters?” Sonya heard her own voice. Was it her that uttered them? Was it her vocalizing such a question? he looked about and saw herself. No, not herself, but a twisted counterpart, one free of conditions of propriety and convention. Hair wildly wrapped abut her face atop a naked visage of freedom. Odin looked at Her and started to cut in with his nails, the servant lifted her head and stood still, each touch seemingly radiating pleasure, not the harm seen. The cuts formed patterns in the flesh, bloody countenances of power, they radiated with it. the blood itself began to trickle down the woman’s perfectly formed curves, changing direction time and time again, revealing the faint near invisible scars of past treatments with these rites. down each arm he worked his claws through her skin. making symmetrical stripes of runic symbols, on her knuckles, the fingertips dripped blood by the time he finished, on her breasts he carved as well, and the woman moaned lustily and her vitae gathered on her hardened nipples before falling to the floor with a slight, dull spatter. on her belly, he carved through a feint line of blood, taking the cut long and slender, filling the wound staff with markings of the Runes. soon her body was covered in these small incisions. the woman nearly glowed in the glistening wetness of the sticky blood, the beat of the world around her flowing outward into the terrain. Spilt from Odin’s holy vessel.

“As it was, as it will be...”Odin spoke casually into the soul, “Is it ready to awaken?”

His attention turned looking into Sonya’s own vision’s eye. The bloodied woman walked for it as well, embracing her, the warm blood’s feel shocked her senses back to the darkness of the room as she bolted awake. She sat up with a start, covered in a cold sweat, breathing hard and labored she wrapped her blanket tightly around her body and shivered. Frightened, but not because of the dream, rather, her fear emanated from the desire she felt. The lust for that bloodied woman. Ashamed, by it she laid back down. and lay there awake until her alarm finally, after centuries of emptiness...

---------------------------------------

The alarm sounded, Roland rolled over and slammed the beast back to silence, and drug the comforter over his head, swimming still from a night’s debauchery. His thoughts drifted to the dreams of the night. Visions of darkness, visions of spiders, blood and evil. Could the city be whispering to me? He banished the fancy away. Spirits usually left him alone, seeing him as nothing but an intruder. Still, strange he dreams now after so long sleeping in quiet darkness. Could the city be whispering? he slowly sat up, disturbing the previous night’s focal point, a gentle girl with light sandy brown hair with twisted locks. he admired her naked form for a moment. the gentle curve of her neckline. the firmness of her breasts. the soft firmness of her midsection. Enraptured by the beauty of her innocent slumber, he couldn’t help but smile.

He stood and walked into the bathroom of his hotel room, the carpet, so soft under his heightened sense of touch, sent waves of pleasure through him, and he prolonged his journey, caressing the carpet with his toes, eyes only half opened, drunkenly. the feeling came into his fingers, a slow traveling electricity. He embraced it’s comforting awakening as the colors of the room came into sharp inhuman focus about him. The senses reached out, feeling his surroundings, taking it all in. Only a moment and the world was in him. The smell of lavender and alcohol, sex and shampoo. He heard the heartbeat of the youth in his bed and pulled back. not too far old man. he heeded his own thoughts and floated onto the linoleum and shuddered at it’s cool, hard texture- the startling contrast strattled into his bones, a thrill he enjoyed with a light, soft chuckle. The face he looked at in the mirror winked at him and the water began to steam up the glass. already turned it on? He turned and twisted the faucet on the tub turning to the clear mirror he tussled his hair. too early for that Roland... Control yourself, there’ll be plenty of that later. the mental scolding brought him away from the time warp and the mirror cleared, awaiting the steam that he knew would come. but in the mirror wasn’t Roland. But a woman he had never seen before, he turned and looked at the bed, the girl rolled over. So, you’re gonna take me to her then, are you?

Roland walked into the bath and turned the shower on, letting the water cleanse him with it’s heat and purity as the Mind wandered through the evening. visions of the club surrounded, the heavy beat of the music tore through him again, faces of pretenders and revelers passing by in parade, bodies twisting and melting together, infused with over priced drinks, Women losing inhibitions and men touching that divine under the DJ’s watchful guidance. Clubwerker, that makes sense, was a good party. The girl walked towards him, her hips gravitating unabashed for him, wearing clothes that would have been a crime to waste on anyone else, Roland felt her knowing this, and so she did. Her name is.. .” Jessica” her voice spoke in echoes surrounding him has the soap worked it’s lather on his stomach. Care to dance the night away? “ Of course” the echo ripped through him again, marvelously. a new set of hands set to washing his back, the visions blended with reality. They danced as lovers, grinding on each other. Both building desire the woman had never yet known -would never know again- admittedly. Then, the club was emptying, she came with him without a word, Destiny stirred, and they fell into bed, Roland kissed her soft, hungry lips, which parted inviting his tongue entrance as his hands swam along her spine, sending waves of desire through her. They wrestled as one, as she tore off his shirt, and he her dress. They fell into each other in harmony Dances of Shatki and Shatka, my dear. he began washing her, nervous at his touch. the dreams of yesterday making ways for the moments around them now. in no time, and in moments of eternity, the pains, the headaches were washed away with the communion of their souls. “ I have school this morning.. “ I know, and I’ll take you home.

They cleaned and dried each other, then headed through the hall of the hotel into the elevator, the boring over processed sounds of a once great song reduced to little more than background dribble was the only sound as they waited in silence for the elevator to descend. Roland pulled his mane of near black hair back behind his head, binding it there with a strap of leather from his pocket before he smoothed out the raw linen of his buttoned shirt. The girl swayed contently this way and that, a small grin on her face. and leaned up to kiss Roland on the cheek as the door opened. Roland took her by the hand and lead her through the casino and the acrid smell of stale cigarettes and broken dreams to the parking garage.

“ I know this might sound weird and corny, but I have never met anyone like you, Roland.” Jessica softly admonished, to a grin from Roland’s pale face as he stopped at a large cruiser of a motorcycle. “ Yeah, I get that a lot.” he handed her a spare helmet from an old beat up leather saddlebag, and donned his own, then got on the bike. allowing it’s engine to awaken from it’s slumber with a roar of power. With a squeal Jessica hopped on the back and melted into Roland’s back becoming inseparable as he pulled out of the garage and onto Las Vegas Boulevard, onto the highway, and out into the West. The road peeled behind them, the wind rushed through their hair and around their bodies, the world seemed to vanish in that freedom, in that oneness. Jessica hoped it would never end, but all too soon Roland found the exit he was looking for and took it, slowing down the monster they rode on around the turn into the depths of humanity’s Final Resting Place.

It wasn’t the worst area, Jessica knew that, but it sure as hell wasn’t the best, and was falling from favor with each passing day. The roads were cracked and bore the tarred scars of years upon years of mass transit on their marred surfaces. The trees, old and twisted, were only saplings when they were planted there by the generations past, hoping to capture the splendors of their native cities of Boston, or Charleston, or New York or a plethora of other large and wet cities. Cottonwoods, Mulberries, Olives. and of course, Palm trees. Beautiful, once. Now, merely blotted and burnt from the desert’s unforgiving sun, their leaves curled and hardened, the bark dry, unforgiving, and their roots searching evermore for more and more of that vital water the desert is only sprinkled with. The colors of stucco, ever present in the Valley, are dry, pale tans and grays, even those are bleached by the abominable sun blazing down from the Hellish deep blue above.

Roland deftly maneuvered the bike through the surface streets, coming to rest inside a group of pale gray-blue apartments with bleached blue roof tiles. The covered parking was only strips of crinkled metal on support beams covered in thick chipped paint. The engine halted, and only the sounds of the freeway could be heard. He looked through the chain-ink fence and admired the contrast between these old apartments, with their cement stairs with rusted handrails, and unkempt appearance and the lutheran church. It’s grounds were well maintained, the parking lot newly paved, it’s walls built of brick, it stood as a strange vision of cleanliness in a sea of architectural martyrdom.

“You coming?” Jessica asked, playfully taking Roland’s hand and pulling him into the complex through the sunburned grass. “ Alright, alright!” Roland replied, over-exasperated in jest as he allowed himself to be dragged to her apartment. “ so? What do you think of the neighborhood?” Jessica inquired, which was replied to without haste, “ It has history, doesn’t it?”

“ Oh yes, it does. Not that I was a part of any of it, but, I guess everything has a story doesn’t it?” She fished through her little black patent leather handbag for her keys as she lead Roland to a door with tarnished numbers diagonally set on it. Within moments they were standing inside. The place was sparsely furnished, only a simple, black futon with a metal frame and a thinly stuffed mattress resting in it’s clutches. The table was old, probably from some neighborhood thrift store. It’s wooden varnish was cracked and marred from years of abuse from cold, sweating glasses and mugs of hot beverages. the carpet was clean, but matted down, definitely in need of a steam cleaning. the pale, eggshell white walls were bare, save for a Led Zeppelin concert poster recreated for nostalgia, and a family picture showing, whom Roland could only assume to be, her parents and little brother. He looked at their faces, empty, smiling, but forced. wearing matching sweaters for the christmas photo...

“ That’s my family. They’re divorced now. Dad’s in prison for kid porn and Mom’s in rehab.” her tenor fell and mood hollowed for a moment. Roland raised an eyebrow but didn’t look away from the photo. “ It happens, unfortunately.” Was all he could muster. “ Yeah,” she replied, “ Dad was always an O.K. guy, you know? Don’t know what happened to him. He never touched me or my little brother.”

With that she was gone, walking into the back corridor, Roland heard a door open and shut behind her. He could feel the pain. It was palpable to him, emotions always were. the sympathy he felt soon led him to her table, resting on it he saw a bag of incense, and a holder. He lit a stick, focusing his sympathy through the flame’s center, and then waving the flame out, it’s smoke bore the emotion into the calming effects of magical relief. Only a touch of Mind, with a bit of comfort... I love this rote. Soon the living room felt more like home. Jessica came out and the smoke caught her, the mood lightened up, she relaxed noticeably. “ This incense always makes me feel better..” She shot a curious look at Roland, “ How did you know?” Roland smiled and held up the package, showing the name on the cover, he spoke it as the definitive answer, “ It’s ‘Relaxing Embers’ isn’t it?” He grinned and headed for the door. “ You’re alright, yeah?”

She giggled, “ Yes, I’m fine, I think I’m gonna take a nap before my first class.” Roland nodded and opened the door for himself. “ Awesome, then I will see you around, darling.” she merely nodded and waved as he left, shutting the door behind him. He looked down at the mat he stood on and smirked, walking away with a shake of his head.

right.... First we go...

Sat, 13 Oct 2007 02:07:55 GMT

Alright, so this is the real thing, the first entry into this live journal and considering that there is a lot of things that I would like to say, I am not going to trudge up a long list of events in the past. that is not what this is for. In my opinion I think that this will be to help those that are not able to be right here, see what i am up to.

SO! Here we have it, i have 100 bucks and I am going on a revitalizing trip away. I ahveto. I have to and I have found someone that is wonderful and was invited out on a trip. I'm off... so Monday.. That's the 15th BTW I'll be in Phoenix.. and you know what? I'm not worrying about the things that have been eating me apart fo the last months, i am, for the first time in a long time, going to relax... and be free of that shit that has been laying on my chest keeping me from breathing, maybe with a full chest of fresh air and such, I'll be free to see what is really there... be able to see somethign that i have missed and take the right steps to get back into the groove of making this life better for my son.

The last few years I have failed him. I know this.. I thought I was winning the fight, but i failed time and time again to give him what i didn't have. Now that I look back on it, I believe that i ahve been more thana little juvenile to head into that sort of direction. but there has been little help... I was on my own. That's not an excuse, I understand that.. but instead of looking fotr the long term I always loked at the immediate and it lead to my downfall time and time again.

So, now I am on the last note of that life, and I see the way to a better one, it's a machine that needs to have the right fuel.. I know the fuel it needs, and I have to find the right palce to mine it... that's what is tearing me apart I think. it's the simply things that cna destroy you in the end. Don't forget that.... well I'm off to get out of here and to find fifteen buck so that i can have my phone backon.. I have some people I would love to talk to. I miss them, they miss me.. and so a diving I must go.. ugh.. peace.

Poor Poor Jesus... and we're not tlaking the gardener

Sat, 13 Oct 2007 00:34:45 GMT

Jesus Facing Multiple Charges
http://www.democraticunderground.com/discuss/duboard.php?az=view_all&address=132x3595270

Within days of his Second Coming, Jesus Christ (aka Prince of Peace, Savior, The Lord) is facing charges in a number of jurisdictions across the country.

After addressing a crowd in Washington D.C. with what is quickly becoming known as His now-infamous “Blessed are the Peacemakers” speech, Jesus was arrested for holding a political rally without a permit. A possible charge of treason is also pending, given that The Lord’s blatant anti-war statements may constitute a direct threat against the born-again president and his conduct of the war in Iraq.

Later that same day in Orlando, Florida, Jesus was handcuffed by local authorities after feeding a multitude of homeless people who had gathered to hear him speak about being Thy Brother’s Keeper. “We still don’t know how he pulled off the seven loaves and seven fishes thing, but the law is the law,” said the arresting officer, who refused to disclose his identity for fear of losing his immortal soul.

In a related incident, Jesus was again at odds with local authorities in Fresno, California, after attempting to prevent police from destroying makeshift shelters constructed by the homeless. After being read his Miranda rights, the Lord’s only comment was, “As you do to the least among you, so you do unto me.”

Within minutes of posting bail, Jesus reappeared at an Alabama state judicial building where he was promptly arrested for inciting to riot after making a statement about ‘rendering things unto Caesar, and things unto God’. “I knew the kid was a troublemaker the minute he started shooting his mouth off about the separation of church and state,” said a man later identified as one Roy Moore, who was outside the building protesting the removal of a granite monument displaying the Ten Commandments from the premises several years ago.

Jesus wound up his cross-country crime spree with an arrest at a mid-western mega-church, when he was unceremoniously ousted after disrupting a Sunday service by suggesting to the congregation that they do unto others as they would have others do unto them. “I was willing to let the whole thing go,” said the irate pastor, “but then he started emptying the poor box at the back of the church and handing the money out to the poor. When he started talking about he who is without sin casting the first stone, I had no choice but to call the police.” (The name of the pastor is being withheld due to pending litigation involving tax evasion, fraud, and an incident involving a male prostitute.)

While local jurisdictions in various states deal with the pending charges against Christ, Federal authorities are looking into possible ties to terrorist activity. Apparently several phone calls between Jesus and alleged distant relatives in the Middle East have been closely monitored, and further charges may be laid in connection with suspected links to terrorist organizations. “We’re pretty sure that His use of phrases like peace be with you, goodwill to all men is some kind of code," said one source, speaking on the condition of anonymity due to the sensitive nature of the subject matter.

In addition, the Department of Homeland Security is looking into the fact that Jesus was able to transport himself from one place to another without setting off red flags at any airports, despite having been placed on the no-fly list. DHS Chief Michael Chertoff has vowed to investigate the matter fully.

Given the MSM coverage of the now ill-fated Second Coming, Christ’s lawyers are already concerned about His ability to get a fair trial.

“Rush Limbaugh called him a ‘phony Savior’ on his radio show last week,” said a public defender assigned to one of the Christ cases, “and Catholic League president Bill Donahue has already publicly denied him three times. How is the Son of God supposed to get a fair shake?”

In the midst of the controversy, White House spokesperson Dana Perrino fielded a barrage of questions on the topic during a recent press conference. She firmly stated that the president, in keeping with his long-held policy in such matters, refuses to comment on an ongoing investigation.

Although unconfirmed, several reliable sources have indicated that Jesus wept.

The Begining, Just another end....

Fri, 12 Oct 2007 21:02:22 GMT

It seems a very long time since i have written anything. Something that is startling, because it is usually about this time that my friendsstart yelling at me to once again break the silence with a few words of insanity. So, in the true sense of a first post, I'll put it into perspective so that you can all understand why it is that I am here and why I am writing this.
I am in a new chapter of my life, in essence, I am like the new refugee. I am the small guy with nothingi n a new world. I am making this so that everyone can see, in each piece of this journey, waht it is I am doing, offer advice and what have you. What can I say, this is my at Full Disclosure. For those that nknow me, and forthose getting to knowme, know this, i refuse to fail. so this is how it begins.